Tabloid Dramatisation: A Load of Tosh

"You know what Lionel? I think I might call it a day..."

There are the most ridiculous rumours circling at the moment, especially with regard to the future of some managers, and it really makes you stop and think: who on earth thinks the printing of such nonsense is a good idea? Yes, the Premier League season is over and the British press obviously needs to do something to occupy themselves over the Summer, and making up ridiculous rumours is pretty much their fallback for times like this when the news may have slowed.

But a couple of rumours that I heard in particular annoyed me. Firstly, I heard the absolutely insane suggestion that some newspapers had reported that Pep Guardiola, fresh from his first season in management, during which he won the treble (the freaking treble) with Barcelona, may be considering retirement. I just have to say that I cannot even begin to comprehend the absolute inane stupidity of that suggestion.

Yes, we all know of the old cliches that you should “quit while you’re ahead” or “bow out at the top”, but this is ridiculous. There is an argument that Guardiola can hardly hope to surpass this season’s achievements in the rest of his managerial career, but hell he’s going to try! He’s inspired what is arguably one of the greatest domestic sides ever seen to a famous treble and people genuinely think that it’s worth printing a story that he may step down? I’m pretty sure that even the most gullible people in the world will struggle to swallow that one.

Next up, are the suggestions doing the rounds that Owen Coyle, the man who has taken Burnley up to the Premier League via the playoffs, could be off to Celtic. Now of course, Coyle as a Scotsman may indeed harbour ambitions to manage Celtic one day, but I think I am right in saying that that day does not come so soon after he has reached the Premier League.

Because yes, Celtic are a bigger club than Burnley and offer him the chance to manage in Europe. But overall, the quality of the Scottish League is far lower than the Premier League, which is the best league in the world at present. So while there is a slight shred of plausibility about this one, I think we really need to take a step back and ask ourselves why these rumours are being given the time of day.

I just think that it is pretty sad that we cannot go even a few days without the emergence of some sort of wild rumour. It’s like being back at school, with gossip flying around the playground. I know that these newspapers are in the business of sales, but I fail to believe that someone is gonna pick a paper up off a newstand, flick through and see the headline “Guardiola to retire” or “Coyle to Celtic” and think “you know, there’s something in that, I’ll buy this paper”.

Surely even the most desperate football fan, in the very depths of the off season when he is completely starved of any sort of news of signings or any real, worthwhile goings on in the world of football would instead think “what a load of crap, with that sort of desperate journalism, I’m sure no one will ever by this paper”. I think what frustrates me the most is that here we are, facing a barren, football-less period, and all I have to look forward to are these ridiculous absurd rumours all summer.

That’s not a great prospect. I’m not saying that I’ll be able to come up with something better, and though I usually post new articles daily on my site I’m expecting to struggle to maintain that over the off-season. I’ve accepted that, and though it’s disappointing, I don’t think I’m going to have to resort to fabricating wild speculation to fill in the void.

Just imagine how the fans of the two clubs involved feel. Barcelona’s fans, if any of them are yet sober enough to be able to read, will look at the paper and (assuming that they’re gullible enough to believe it, which they almost certainly aren’t, but it’s just to make a point) be devastated at the thought that Guardiola, their hero, the man who has brought them such a stunning season, could be about to slip away just as suddenly as he stepped in to their club.

Likewise Burnley fans (assuming a similar suspension of disbelief with regard to their IQs) would be appalled to find that the man who has led them into the promised land that is Premier League football could be jumping ship to go and compete in a two horse race. Surely, they’ll think, he should have at least one go at the Premier League that he fought so hard to reach.

And of course he should, just as Guardiola will attempt to defend his titles next season. This sort of ridiculous rumour-mongering sums up everything that is wrong with the British press. They don’t care who they insult, who they undermine and who they fool, as long as there could be a bit of shock value in it, they’ll report it. But it’s supposed to be about delivering news or at least (as in my case) educated opinions. The mere fabrication of implausible lies is devaluing the entire industry and frustrating a lot of fans.

If I were you this summer, I’d steer clear from these types of stories as there’s nothing except comedic value in them. It is going to be a long and barren summer in terms of football, but I think that in turning to the tabloids out of desperation you will only make it worse for yourself.

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The FA Cup Final: A Three Way Divide

An ideal Wembley, but surely it should be filled with real fans?

The joy of seeing Everton reach the FA Cup Final for the first time in fourteen years still hasn’t worn off, but even in the face of such a great achievement, I still have to marvel at the incredible stupidity of the English FA. Seeing the ticket allocations for the Final on the 30th of May was a sobering moment, as even though I almost certainly can’t attend, marooned in New Zealand as I am, I feel it is only just that the hardcore season ticket holders of both clubs should have the privilege of watching their teams play at Wembley in the final of the world’s most prestigious domestic competition.

However, because the FA have allocated each team just 25,000 tickets each for the Final in May, that is not going to happen. Despite Wembley having a capacity of about 90,000, the FA has decided that only just over half of the supporters in the stadium should have any emotional involvement with the teams on the pitch. The others will be made up of representatives from ‘regional associations’ and basically, old pals of the bigwigs.

I appreciate that this has always happened, and you may allege that I’m only bothered now because Everton are in the final, but that is not the case. It is simply a coincidence that the year I start this blog Everton reach the final and thus I am exposed directly to the FA’s lunacy first time around. The fact is though, most proper football fans will surely agree that the majority of spectators at such a prestigious event should be fans of Everton and Chelsea.

Because, let’s face it, it’s not as if these teams would struggle to fill a stadium even as big as Wembley is. Everton have for years, even while fighting relegation, consistently attracted around 25,000 season ticket holders to Goodison Park, while Chelsea as one of the glamour clubs of the glitzy Premier League must have plenty more than that figure (I don’t have any information on exact numbers – if you do, let me know!).

Everton consistently fill Goodison Park during the regular season, and have for some time been in the throes of a convoluted stumble towards a new, larger stadium. Indeed, in the semi-final last weekend, Everton’s fans easily out sung Manchester United’s (not hard) and left a massive impression on all the watching spectators; it was arguably the loudest crowd the new Wembley has witnessed and that was during a rather turgid semi-final.

Chelsea, as I mentioned, have plenty of support too, and though some may argue that with their huge wealth and glamour many of their hardcore fans may have been priced out of a season ticket at the Bridge and been replaced by more corporate fair-weathers (and they have a point), there is little doubt that Chelsea could find 45,000 fans to fill half of Wembley and I’m sure they’d create a great atmosphere with the vociferous Evertonians.

Instead though, English football’s showpiece Cup Final, that will be screened all around the world to millions and millions of people (hell, it’s even on free TV in New Zealand!) will be attended by a bunch of day-trippers, football fans yes, but football fans who aren’t emotionally invested in the specific match on show. And for me, that is simply not the way the FA Cup Final should be.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, I do respect the job that these people do. I acknowledge that the people who will benefit from the 40,000 tickets that aren’t going to the fans of Everton and Chelsea do do good work in regional football in the UK. They are the people that run the game at grass-roots level, that work tirelessly to organise the lower, less glamorous, echelons of English football. They do deserve a reward, and some perks to their job, as we all do if we work hard and do our job well, but I think that such a generous allocation of FA Cup Final tickets is actually demeaning to the competition as a whole.

A few times over the past couple of years there has been debate about teams demeaning the competition, when Manchester United declined to enter in favour of the Club World Cup, and numerous times when some of the nation’s bigger clubs have fielded weakened teams in the competition. I sympathised with these complaints, and agree that the FA Cup is a big competition, it’s prestigious, and should be taken seriously.

However, when people are criticising teams for not taking it seriously because they do not allow their star players to attend and play in the matches. But then, how seriously are we to take the competition when it is deemed simply a day-trip for the FA’s workforce, a day out for their employees, an end of season work party? Surely a serious competition allows all of it’s teams’ serious fans to attend the matches and support their team, especially when it comes to the final?

In all, I have to say I feel quite disheartened by the FA’s continued insistence on treating this event as a ‘national get-together’ for it’s old pals. The teams involved work really hard to get to the final for a chance of some silverware, and the fans of those teams too will often have completed rigorous tours of the country following their team through the previous rounds to reach this final hurdle. Why should they therefore be defied one last big day out, the biggest day out of all, simply because the FA wants to reward its fellows for their service.

As I said, I cannot seriously hope to attend the Final, unless of course I manage to win the Lottery before the final and can thus afford flights to England and a ticket (which could perhaps be more expensive than the flight, given their rarity). But for my fellow Evertonians and their Chelsea counterparts, I feel severely let-down by the FA’s ticket allocations. Not only does it deprive some of Everton and Chelsea’s fans of one of the biggest events of the season, it also undermines the prestige of the tournament as a whole.

The last time Everton were at Wembley for the FA Cup Final I was five years old but already a season ticket holder alongside my father, brother, uncle and cousin. However, when it came down to it, we could only get two tickets for the Final and so my Uncle and Cousin went to the game and saw us win the beloved old trophy while I had to watch the greatest footballing event in my life so far on TV.

I don’t know if it was the same back then as it is today but I think it was. I think that I missed out on seeing Everton win the Cup at Wembley because of the FA’s idiotic allocation policy. I also think that my idealistic vision of an FA Cup Final is of a rocking Wembley stadium half in blue and half in red (though this year maybe all blue!) with 90,000 passionate fans singing their hearts out for their team. Unfortunately, the day when that ideal becomes a reality is, like so many ideals in today’s world, seemingly a thing of the distant future.

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